As reported in the latest issue of Nature, a fleshy scientific biological phenomenon once existed that was as long as a school bus. (By all means, insert your joke here.)

Discovered recently in northern Colombia, fossils of an astonishing 28 examples of the Titanoboa cerrejonensis—roughly translated, huge snake—place history’s all-time biggest serpent at the better part of 13 metres in length. By comparison, the previous title-holder, the anaconda, is only half the snake this one was. The South American find is particularly noteworthy because snakes generally have a poor fossil record, given the fragility of their skeletons; these samples are calculated to be the better part of 58 million years in age, though 150 million-year-old fossils of significantly smaller specimens do exist.

In marginally related news, grade 9 student Timothy Spale was overheard making inappropriate metaphoric comments during today’s class trip, as the Oakwood Secondary school bus approached the Washington Monument. (To make matters worse, Timothy called it “Washington’s Monument” and no one knew better to correct him, not even Mr. McKay.) The matter was resolved when, after receiving a stern warning from Ms. Holmes, Timothy apologized, like he meant it, to Sally Flim. So we won’t have to tell his parents. This time.

Artist’s rendering by Jason Bourque, University of Florida (which has arguably the coolest slogan of any post-secondary institution: “The Foundation for The Gator Nation”)