The Korean Central News Agency, an initiatve of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (better known as North Korea) puts out several English language news stories on its Tokyo-based web site every day. The KCNA’s use of English is often something to be savoured, and could teach a thing or two to headline writers in the English-speaking world.

For instance, the words “criticized” or even “denounced” seem like pretty weak tea after you’ve read headlines like:

Lee Myung Bak’s Red Herring Ridiculed,
Lee Myung Bak’s Foolish Talk about “Dialogue” Lambasted or
Lee Myung Bak Group’s Ridiculous Anti-DPRK Charade Flayed

(FYI, in some circles, Lee Myung Bak’s group is known as “the government of South Korea.)

The KCNA articles offer what you might expect from the dictatorship’s propaganda organ: condemnations of its enemies (the US, Japan and South Korea); calls for the citizens to support the state; and a regular updates on dictator Kim Jong-il’s past glories and current activities.

Make no mistake, though. These communiques are not examples of the kind of mangled English apparently common in East Asian advertising and often mocked on the internet. The KCNA’s meaning is always precise, and occasionally almost elegant, as shown in this boast-and-threat from the article Japan’s Reckless Military Moves Criticized: 

“The DPRK has already declared that if anyone infringes upon its dignity and sovereignty even a bit, it will give mercilessly annihilating revenge upon him.”

That rivals the late Biggie Smalls for clarity, if not for cadence. 

And who wouldn’t like to put a sentence like the following  at the top of his office’s weekly e-newsletter?

Lee Myung Bak Regime’s Sycophancy towards U.S. and Anti-DPRK Confrontation Hysteria Blasted

Just swap Branch Manager  for “Lee Myung Bak”, V.P. of Operations for “U.S.” and chronic incompetence for “Anti-DPRK Confrontation Hysteria” and you’re ready to hit “send.”

A scan of the KCNA site is usually good for a wry smile. Just remember, should you ever “run wild,” engage in “rowdyism,” “run amuck,” or “stoke the consciousness of confrontation with fellow countrymen among south Korean people” like Lee Myung Bak’s group of traitors, you are likely to be “flayed”, “flailed” or even “slashed” by a KCNA headline.

You have been warned.