There’s a radio station that pumps its signal through almost every car, bodega and liquor store in South Beach, its playlists dotted with celebrity-laden station IDs proclaiming Miami to be “The Sexiest Place on Earth.” While one is inclined to believe the likes of Lil Wayne and Trick Daddy when they say as much, it’s still a lofty claim. In fact, for those accustomed to cooler climates — particularly those of us who are built for comfort rather than speed — sexiness can feel like something of an elusive pursuit, particularly in the persistent heat of a South Miami summer.
Such is the nature of a city that bends visitors and inhabitants to its will. Even major retail franchises that sets up shop in South Beach will lighten their logos to fit in with the local pastel palette. At times, it can feel as though the whole region is under some kind of municipal style ordinance. Fitting in, for people and businesses alike, is merely a matter of observing and mimicking.
Appearances, after all, are paramount in South Beach. How else to explain the local deli that sells Muscle Milk and whey shakes from the soda fridge, or the prevalence of glittering Hummers cruising up and down Ocean Drive? Or, well, The South Beach Diet? It’s a preoccupation that suits the district’s hedonistic bent. Over the last 60 years, South Beach has undergone a metamorphosis from rundown shantytown to party paradise, overcoming an unseemly reputation as “God’s waiting room” — which defined the elderly fixed-income population of the late ’60s and ’70s — and, later, the cocaine-stained years that transformed the city and its economy in the ’80s. Spotty as it may be, that complicated history produced a major force in American tourism and culture.
From a balcony atop the Hilton Bentley (101 Ocean Dr.), located at the beach’s southernmost point, the landscape unfolding to the north tells that very tale. The Ocean Drive strip is a living work-in-progress, home to the Art Deco buildings that house the infamous restaurants and hotels for which this section of the Atlantic coastline has become known. It tells a story of prosperity, but also one of ongoing change; even today, there is a healthy amount of construction here, particularly in the area below 5th Street where the Hilton has set up shop. These blocks — known as SoFi — are considerably quieter than those that stretch from 6th to 20th, where South Beach really earns its steamy reputation.
At this well-located and modestly classy Hilton, guests can retreat to the in-house gym, or relax on the shaded outdoor terrace, and feel well isolated from the action despite being quite close to the bounty that this region has to offer. It helps that the Hilton has its own beachside towel and chair service, so underprepared visitors can trot out to the ocean — just steps away from the hotel’s side exit — and borrow as needed. Though a purple lifeguard’s flag warning of dangerous marine life flew high along the beach for the duration of my visit, it did little to deter hordes of beachgoers from diving in to the warm and inviting waters.
The only property further south than the Hilton is Nikki Beach, an outdoor bar and restaurant that is beyond compare. In fact, if modern-day South Beach begins anywhere, it’s here at Nikki Beach, with its decadent menu and model-like wait staff; it’s fitting, then, that it holds the prestigious address of One Ocean Drive, which it wears like a badge of honour. On some days, its cabana area is a picture of excess — the kind of place, I’m told, in which wealthy men pour expensive champagne onto bikini-clad women.
To catch a glimpse of that, though, you’d have to take your eyes off the brunch buffet, which is one of the most varied and delicious spreads one is likely to find anywhere. Everything from custom omelette to slow-roasted beef brisket and pulled pork is available in abundance, so priorities must be set before digging in.
There are plenty of opportunities for regional cuisine elsewhere along Ocean Drive and its neighbouring thoroughfares. Las Olas Café (644 6th St.) makes one of the area’s finer Cuban sandwiches, honouring a recipe brought to these shores by migrant workers around the early 1900s that favours mustard over mayonnaise and flat griddles over ridged ones. A few blocks away, the popular and very casual News Café (800 Ocean Dr.) offers a tasty fried soft-shell crab sandwich.
Dinner in South Beach is more of a production, and tends to start a bit later at night. Also a fine disposable-income shopping district, Lincoln Road offers no dearth of meal options. There are many hot spots in the area, but you’re bound to find something to like at Nexxt (700 Lincoln Rd.), which has a menu big enough to match its sprawling patio. The Kobe beef sliders, imported beers and mint juleps are all top notch. Nearby, The Van Dyke Cafe (846 Lincoln Rd.) offers a vibrant live-music schedule, of mostly jazz and soul.
For those interested in leaving the beach for an afternoon or evening, Scotty’s Landing (3381 Pan American Dr., Coconut Grove) is a low-key gathering spot that serves up cracked conch, conch fritters and conch salad to those seated at its dockside tables, as well as boaters who manage to get a spot just behind the wooden deck railing. Needless to say, errant conchs would be wise to keep clear. (Parking is available at Chart House next door, which offers a more upscale waterside dining experience.)
There are endless options in all directions, so dress the part, pack a bathing suit, and plan to eat well. Appearances may loom large in this city of leisure, but a willingness to submit to its many pleasures is perhaps even more important. To fit in, it seems, one needs only to show up — South Beach will handle the rest.
