According to former CAW chief Buzz Hargrove’s new memoir, our prime minister has a little trouble when it comes to demonstrate his “regular guy” bonafides:

Hargrove, president of the Canadian Auto Workers at the time, says in his book Laying it on the Line that he joined union economist Jim Stanford in talking to Harper for about half an hour in November 2007.

But Hargrove says the Prime Minister’s behavior “bordered on bizarre.”

“In an effort, I assume, to suggest he was just one of the boys, a guy who could relate to blue-collar workers despite his political record, Harper managed to say `f—’ two or three `times, none of them in what might be called a normal context,” Hargrove writes.

Hargrove, no slouch at swearing during years of contract bargaining with automakers, adds that as he and Stanford left the meeting, they looked at each other and asked: “What the heck was that all about?”

And so for your reading enjoyment, I present a one-act play entitled “Harper Hangs Out With Buzz”…

[Scene: a nondescript executive boardroom. Hargrove and Stanford are seated at one end of the table. There are many papers and file folders stacked in front of them.]

[Harper enters, accompanied by any number of flacks and assistants, all of whom talk or type on their Blackberries throughout.]

Harper: Hey, how are you guys?

Hargrove and Stanford: Good to meet you, thanks for your time, etc.

Harper: So this is where we’ll be fucking meeting? Great, great. Let me just grab a chair here. [Sits down with exaggerated effort.] Oooh, gotta lay off the fucking potato chips and beer, eh? So what are you guys looking to fucking discuss?

Hargrove: Well, uh… Mr Prime Minister, we have concerns about the future of automotive manufacturing in Canada, and about trade with Korea and Japan. There are trade agreements in the works that we consider–

Harper: Yeah, the fucking Japanese, eh? What’s with their habit of eating raw fish? Is that even hygienic? I prefer Captain Highlander brand fishsticks. [An aide leans over to whisper something in Harper's ear.] Captain Highliner, right. Fucking delicious.

Hargrove: Uh, right. But we believe there has not been enough attention paid to the legitimate concerns of auto workers, especially in Ontario. We know you have a limited range of options, especially as far as prior agreements with the United States are concerned–

Harper: This is fucking good coffee, isn’t it? Just a fucking good cup of joe. Nothing better. A hot cup of joe an a… a… [Looks to assistant, who forms an "O" with her fingers.] And a doughnut! Preferably one from Tim Horton’s. [Looks to assistant again, who gives him a thumb's up.]

Hargrove: So, the automotive sector…

Harper: Love the cars, love them. Faster the better. Keep pumping them out 9 to 5. You fellows keep our country moving. I have a driver these days – well, he’s more like a buddy, but, you know, I have all this crapola I have to look at first thing in the morning. Mondays, eh? But I’m always like, ‘Let me behind the wheel of this car so I can put down the hammer!’ What are you going to do? Listen fellows [stands up – again, with much exaggerated effort], it’s been great talking to you and having this fucking coffee and everything, but I gotta run. I’ve got Question Period in half an hour, and I just know those opposition members are going to pinch my balls. I also need to use the bathroom. You don’t buy coffee, you lease it! So see you later. Have a good fucking day. And Go Leafs!

[End scene.]